Sample critique
An unedited AI critique of an HBS essay.
Sample essay written by our team for a fictional applicant. Critique generated by MBA Essay Critic, unedited.
Prompt: "Leadership-Focused Essay: What experiences have shaped how you invest in others and how you lead?" · limit 250 words · submitted 245 words, 1373 characters.
Sample critique: Harvard Business School
Simulated committee read
"The committee appreciates the humility and quantifiable results, viewing the applicant as a grounded leader who prioritizes team performance over personal glory."
Three simulated voices debating your essay. A simulated conversation, not a real committee.
Skeptic
"It’s a solid story, but I worry it’s a bit small-scale for HBS—is fixing a freight desk enough evidence of leadership potential?"
Advocate
"He didn't just fix a desk; he recognized his own hubris and actively stepped aside so 'Ana' could lead, which shows rare maturity."
Skeptic
"I agree the 'nobody used it' moment shows great self-awareness, but he spends a lot of time on the spreadsheet logistics."
Tiebreaker
"The quantifiable drop in missed pickups combined with the selfless act of recommending his subordinate for a lead role wins me over."
Prompt alignment
95/ 100
The essay directly addresses how the applicant invests in others by pivoting from a fixer to a facilitator. It identifies a specific experience (the freight brokerage desk) and clearly outlines how that shaped their leadership philosophy of 'building the conditions for other people's judgment.'
Scores by criterion
Keep quotes drove the score up, cut or fix pulled it down.
Specificity
9/10Weight 15%
Excellent use of names (Ana, Marcus) and specific industry details like 'trailer availability' and 'shippers who always loaded late.' The mention of Friday one-on-ones adds a tangible routine to the leadership claim.
- Keep: "carriers lied about trailer availability"
- Keep: "Friday afternoons for one-on-ones"
- Cut or fix: "missing: the specific name of the freight brokerage"
Concision and voice
9/10Weight 15%
The voice is direct and unpretentious, avoiding all 'consultant cliches.' At 245 words, it maximizes every sentence to move the narrative forward without 'throat-clearing.'
- Keep: "Nobody used it."
- Keep: "I still catch myself reaching"
- Cut or fix: "reaching for the spreadsheet (slight cliché)"
Answers the specific prompt
9/10Weight 25%
The applicant provides a clear 'before and after' arc that illustrates how they 'invest in others.' The story moves from self-reliance to empowering Ana and Marcus, ending with a concrete example of advocacy for a teammate.
- Keep: "I now block Friday afternoons for one-on-ones"
- Keep: "recommended Ana for the operations lead role"
- Cut or fix: "missing: explicit connection to HBS 'business as a force for good' values"
Reflection and self-awareness
8/10Weight 20%
High level of self-awareness in admitting 'I had treated the team as a problem to solve.' The final paragraph acknowledges the ongoing struggle of 'reaching for the spreadsheet,' which feels authentic rather than performative.
- Keep: "You built it for you"
- Keep: "leading means building the conditions for other people's judgment"
- Cut or fix: "missing: deeper reflection on why the 'fixer' instinct existed initially"
Business-minded / leadership / growth evidence
9/10Weight 25%
Strong evidence of business acumen by improving a 'worst-performing desk' and quantifiable success reducing 'missed pickups from eleven a week to two.' The leadership shift from technical fix to human investment is palpable.
- Keep: "missed pickups fell from eleven a week to two"
- Keep: "rebuilt the process around what they knew"
- Cut or fix: "missing: broader organizational impact beyond the immediate desk"
Harvard Business School essay, marked up
Each note sits beside the paragraph it quotes.
In my second year at a regional freight brokerage, I was handed our worst-performing desk: four coordinators, missed pickups every week, and a manager who had just quit. My first instinct was to fix things myself. I rebuilt the routing spreadsheet over a weekend and presented it on Monday. Nobody used it.
Paragraph 1 · Specificity, Concision and voice
A bit abrupt, but sets the stakes well. Could name the company for better specificity.
Rewrite: In my second year at [Company Name], I inherited their worst-performing freight desk.
Ana, the most senior coordinator, told me why in the break room: "You built it for you." She was right. I had treated the team as a problem to solve rather than people who already knew where the problems were.
Paragraph 2 · Reflection and self-awareness
The epiphany is strong, but 'break room' conversation is a common trope.
Rewrite: Ana, the lead coordinator, was blunt: 'You built this for your ego, not our workflow.'
So I changed the order of operations. Each morning for three weeks I sat at a different coordinator's desk and only asked questions. Ana knew which carriers lied about trailer availability. Marcus had a private list of shippers who always loaded late. Within a month we had rebuilt the process around what they knew, and missed pickups fell from eleven a week to two.
Paragraph 3 · Business-minded / leadership / growth evidence, Specificity
Excellent detail on how the applicant actually 'invested' their time.
Rewrite: Marcus shared his private 'late-loader' list, helping us anticipate delays before they happened.
The bigger change was in how I spend my time. I now block Friday afternoons for one-on-ones, and I ask every new hire what they would fix first before I tell them anything. Last spring I recommended Ana for the operations lead role I had been offered; she has run the desk better than I would have.
Paragraph 4 · Answers the specific prompt, Leadership-Focused
Recommending someone for your own role is a powerful 'investment' signal.
Rewrite: I turned down an operations lead promotion to recommend Ana, who now outperforms my tenure.
I still catch myself reaching for the spreadsheet. But I have learned that leading means building the conditions for other people's judgment to show up, and then getting out of the way.
Top fixes (ranked)
- 1Identify the specific 'regional freight brokerage' by name to ground the story in a real workplace.
- 2Briefly connect the 'investment in others' to the broader business goal or the 'force for good' concept in paragraph 4.
- 3Tighten the 'break room' interaction to make the dialogue feel less like a movie scene and more like a professional turning point.
Strengths
- Quantifiable impact ('eleven a week to two')
- Absence of 'consultant-speak' or generic buzzwords
- Radical humility in recommending a subordinate for their own promotion
- Concrete examples of curiosity through 'asking questions' rather than 'telling'
Weaknesses
- Small scope of impact (one desk, four people)
- The 'spreadsheet fixer' to 'people leader' transition is a common MBA essay trope
- Lacks a forward-looking statement on how this leadership style applies to future goals
The committee read is simulated by AI. No admissions committee was involved. Generated by google/gemini-3-flash-preview.
How 88 is calculated
Each criterion is scored out of 10 and multiplied by its weight. The contributions add up to the overall score.
| Criterion | Score | Weight | Points |
|---|---|---|---|
| Specificity | 9/10 | 15% | 13.50 |
| Concision and voice | 9/10 | 15% | 13.50 |
| Answers the specific prompt | 9/10 | 25% | 22.50 |
| Reflection and self-awareness | 8/10 | 20% | 16.00 |
| Business-minded / leadership / growth evidence | 9/10 | 25% | 22.50 |
| Overall | 100% | 88 | |
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